why is like that?

Ok, lets face facts. Jonah is mighty fine. Admit it and go on.

I mean, his hair, which is never ever perfect was perfect tonight. He looked so amazing. Its like this job is doing so much for him. He's getting a little tan. Getting fit.

Hopefully, I won't be stuck on this tomorrow. I won't. I mean, he's like a brother to me, but he looked really good tonight.

I'm working on crochet. More. Yes, Kenny had to teach me. I kind of wanted to learn. Although, a part of me finds it funny that he knows how. Or that its not fair that he knows so much and I don't.

He made me this crocheted shopping basket. Its pink and brown. Lots of pink left over so I've been working on a scarf. Actually, I'm on my second one right now. They're not huge scarves.

And while I was working on that I watched the national spelling B. I always wanted to spell like that. Well, not really. I hate spelling. And it was funny, the kid who won said he didn't like spelling, either.

But TV is rather boring this week.

so you think you can dance

I should be asleep right now, but I'm not. Its funny how you get your second wind about this time a day.

I watched "so you think you can dance" tonight. It really made me want to get up in dance. Right now its just auditions. Guess they must have started that in January or something, because it looked really cold in Chicago.

There were quite a few inspirational dancers too. One with a fake arm. Another with a new leg and then the girl who really wowed them who was heavy but very strong. I really hope she does well in the competition.



This might not be so you think you can dance, but doesn't everyone want to learn how to do the zombie?

Camille stuff

Camille had wanted me to spend the whole weekend with her. I said no. I'm not going to start the way last summer started.

Granted, I probably did take advantage of the situation last year just to get away from Dad. But it was not ever that much fun staying at Camille. Sure she has a great house and Mom and Dad and everything. But just putting up with her, going on and on about this person and that person. She actually has kind of scrapbook of old boyfriends. Well, those who gave her lots and she had her picture taken with. So being with Camille is like walking in to a Camille shrine.

And I think she considers me her very best friend. But I don't know how that could be because she doesn't know me at all. I mean, there were times, I was so upset with my Dad, and come to find out she wasn't even listening.

I talked to her Mom more than her. And she treats her Mom so bad.

But she was wanting me to just come and stay the whole weekend. I just couldn't do it. Besides, I'm not really ready to tell her about Kenny, either. Almost. Not quite.

I mean, when I'm with him, I keep thinking, it would be great just to show up with Kenny and wonder if she'd get it, or just order us around to do stuff for her...or just stand back and be her audience. Then she'd drop us as soon as her boyfriend called.

Well, I want to make the most of the day. Do something with Kenny.

I woke up this morning with Madonna(my cat) asleep on my back and I didn't even know it.

too much to think about

I need to go to bed and go right to sleep because I have to be at the house I babysit by seven.

I'm not ready for this. Although, I did it practically everyday last year. But last year was different. I wanted to get away from Dad. I had to go and babysit just to have food. Dad was not really worried if we had any food or not. All he needed was beer, but usually, that meant hanging out with his pals at the bar.

But I don't want to go there. That was last year. This is this year.

And, and this is the stupidest thing to admit, but Kenny makes me happy.

Yeah, it kind of scares me, even.

He's sweet. He's just em, something, quite orginal.

I just don't want to tell any of my friends we're going out. They'd think I'm a loser. I know they would. Especially, Camille. Camille would say all sorts of shit I wouldn't want to hear. Like, "Didn't you know he was gay." Also, he's younger than me. Well, just a year. But you know how people can be. Especially, when they only want you around to tell you who to date.

The library book mystery. Still have not found that book. Went back with Jonah (who was a pain just to get away from his computer) to that abandoned house, and we didn't find it. I know I'll have to pay for it.

Better shut up, get to bed and start babysitting.

Jonah is not in a good mood. We're suppose to go out to dinner tonight, but things with his computer is making him be so out of it. He only wants to go to Blimpies. I want to really go somewhere.

I just wish he hadn't gone mad and put all this extra stuff in his hard drive. It works, but it won't read the internet now. Something like that.

And I'm kind of sick about the whole Sam/Josh/Kenny thing. I never meant it to be this way. I didn't. And I know I shouldn't feel this bad, especially, when really should I be feeling any of this this badly.

I stayed up to almost one playing SIMS 2. Why I don't know. Well, part of it, I moved in this smuggler into this house with some vice-president of a company who has a thing for the mayor..and then the smuggler wouldn't find his own place. I didn't think that could happen on the SIMS.

Ok, its the last day of school. I want to make the best of it.

oh the fun we'll have

It rained last night. Actually, some thunderstorms even.

I feel a little out of it. As in, what in the hell am I doing? School is almost out and I'm acting like school just started as in, I've got a boyfriend. Which I'm not sure I do. I just need something offical so I won't be treading lightly out here in the damp cold.

So the whole thing with Josh yesterday was not what I expected. It was like this last chance kind of thing. I guess. Or, maybe he expected it. Maybe he did. Wish I didn't think he was messing with me, but I do.

Then Sam started his job yesterday so he was really tired last night. I didn't bother him because right now is a good time not to bother him for several reason. Number one being, the hickey. The less anger I can cause him, the better. And you know, he might really find someone he's really in to at that place he works.

Jonah has already reported to me the "sweet" factor there. He saw his share of girls who work out there in short shrots with the perfect tan, already. And he can hardly wait to work there.

Yawn.

I want to go to sleep. I want to see Josh, but then I don't.

I'm going to stay calm. Going to be so calm. Yeah, its only Tuesday. I woke up this morning hoping it was Saturday. I have no idea why I did that, but I did.

some mother's day

I'm alone now. Its been crazy today. First thing this morning I had to run out with Jonah to all these stops to make sure he got his Mom something for Mother's day. We were going to go to Wal-Mart but ended up in Michael's. He got her some stuff on the dollar isle and a gift card. He didn't have much to spend.

At least I didn't have time to dwell about this thing on me. The hickey. It looks so bad. I just stare in the mirror wanting to cry when I look at it (all purplish) and end up laughing. What is wrong with me?

Then it doesn't help that Sam shows up, like nothing ever happened. And he spends the afternoon watching Ninja Warriors in the livingroom. I wanted him as far from my neck as possible. And he ends up drawing on my ankle with a black sharpee pen. Cool skull and tiny little heart next to it.

I can't describe exactly what I'm feeling right now. Physically ill. Maybe.

I couldn't eat. We went out to China Buffet. I got all this food on my plate and then I couldn't eat it.

Sam is going to hate me. He is. I know it. I should have never gone out with Josh.

school isn't out yet

It was so strange at school today. The seniors were gone. It was so quiet. Well, there were people, of course. Even they were acting weird. And we don't have the last day of school til next week.

Josh was being odd today. Like he had this energy about him. Its hard to describe. When he smiles its like his whole face smiles. And he doesn't smile that much. And what am I suppose to do?

He was more hot than usual today. I don't know. I mean, he just wanted to be closer. He kept messing with my hair. He even tugged on my belt loop. Crazy.

I want to stop thinking about him.

It didn't help that I ate a hot dog for dinner, and I think I have heart burn now. That never happens. I hung out with Sam for a little while. Something is on his mind, but I'm not sure if its about his ex girlfriend or his brother. For someone who talks so much, he's not really talking about it.

plans, plots and the like

Sam says he'll start next week with the job he had last summer. Landscaping and mowing, something like that. He's even going to try to get Jonah a job there. I'm not so sure Jonah really would like that because he's just not a real outdoor kind of guy. He loves his computer. Although, his mom is probably right. He needs a job. Most likely though, he'll be at this plant place moving stuff around or something. Well, that's the plan.

Sam's also furious with his brother, the one with the Mohawk. He caught him messing around with some girl in an abandoned house not too far from here. I'm sure exactly what he's mad about. I mean, sure I can see why he's mad, but I think it bothers him more that his brother is having sex.

He just kept saying over and over, "I never did that when I was his age. I would have never done that..."

I guess I have to face it, Sam's a late bloomer, but that's all right with me.

bike riding

Great afternoon for a bike ride. Yeah, I haven't done that in ages. I felt like a kid again. And it was really a beautiful day for it.

We stopped by the library to look for some dvds. While I was there this girl, Chelsey was there, she's on cloud nine, inviting people to her graduation party. The freaky thing was she had this backless outfit on, and she had on a bra. Talk about bad taste. Hope she won't wear that to the party.

Have you ever known someone like that? Like its OK, to have your bra straps hanging out everywhere. Other than that, I think somebody I have English with has a mom/dad who's a transvestite. I wasn't sure how to react when I saw them looking at the movies. Well, I tried my best not to bust a gut. Then I felt so bad afterwards wanting to laugh.

Oh, and we held hands. Sam and me. I know its a small thing. And it didn't happen at first, but then when he checked out the stuff, we held hands. And well, I couldn't believe it.

cloudy & wet

Not a lot has changed since yesterday. This kind of weather just makes you want to sleep. And just when we thought the basement was ok, its a little wet. Mainly, in the entrance part and the bathroom.
I noticed that up the street some plumber was at their place, so must not be the only ones having this problem.
Graduation is this Saturday. I won't be going. It'll be packed with people. At least it'll be inside. How I wish I had late mornings to sleep, but I'll have to be up by 6 because I have to be at the place I babysit before 7. So much to look forward too. NOT.
I was supposed to go to my grandparents in June, but I'm not sure if thats happening with the gas prices so high. They'd have to come and get me. Its ok if it doesn't. I'd like to travel, but then I don't want to, either. All these tornadoes around. Bad weather.
Other than that I just want to take a nap, but I think Sam will call me in a little while so I better get homework done. Still these teachers want work handed in. We'll be out in like 2 weeks.

stormy weather

I'm not sure I really slept last night. So much thundering and lightening. And Jonah's Mom had her party which was ok, I guess. And I'm glad Sam was over, but it was just, you know, odd.
Like, how was I suppose to act? Wish it hadn't even bothered me now, because that was a waste of time. It went fine. And he got really cuddly near the end.
Jonah watched his shows he'd recorded on the dvd player and Sam hung out with him some, because I had to do all this extra "woman" stuff, like getting the dinner ready. You know, thats what really bothers me. I had to do this stuff, and Jonah didn't. He was like a bump on a log. But I helped out. Although, I could have enjoyed it more if I hadn't had to do so much.
Naturally, Jonah's Mom was spazzing, practically. She's not very good with having partys. She wants everything perfect. Wish she could enjoyed herself more. Maybe I could have had more fun too.
But then all this rain. Thankfully, the basement isn't flooded.
Now, I'm just lazy. Don't want to do anything much today. More sleep.
I had gotten a chance to cup up my deninum skirts yesterday for aprons. Now I just need to add some sort of embellishments. While I was at the library yesterday, I saw this woman with a 'Jean's' purse. Must have cost a fortune with all that 'bejeweled' stuff and the old jewelry on the handles, but its beautiful.
If I could afford it, I'd love to make some jewelry.

James Franco isn't Josh

A thunderstorm woke me up early this morning. OK, maybe it was more than that. Ever since watching Spiderman 3 last night and seeing James Franco, I've been thinking about Josh. Thinking, how did this happen? Why did I let things just go? I mean, I could have tried harder. We've hardly spoken to each other this week. And its not like I wanted to make this play for him. Its just I really like him. And I keep telling myself, we can be friends. But its not really happening. He's not even that friend kind of guy. Well, sometimes.

Its just I don't know whats going on with him, and I think I want to know, but then maybe I'm not suppose to know. And then I just give up trying. I do sound so trite. But I knew the moment I saw him that I really wanted to know him. Only he's making it impossible. I mean, we had our one little outing that Sunday a few weeks ago, but did I catch this guy just on a good day? We hung out. And then at Afterprom, which was nice. But there were people, and maybe he was actually in to someone else and I just didn't get it. Because, lets face it, Sam did sort of put a spell on me before I went there.

I shouldn't think about this stuff. But I really loved James Franco as Harry in Spiderman 3.

Spiderman 3

We just got back from watching Spiderman 3. James Franco stole the movie as far as I'm concerned. Of course, I'm a fan, but still he did a great job in all the parts he played, New Green Goblin/Harry. He was just amazing.

The movie delievered. Naturally. Great performances from Thomas-Haden Church and Topher Grace. There was humor and perhaps just a tad cheesy moments with Tobey playing up his dark side, but in all it was really a fun movie. And people were just waiting in line to get in when we left. Jonah says Spiderman 3 is so muchc better than Spiderman 2. I don't know. I like them all.

So glad we made the 4:10 showing. Jonah's Mom got tickets early so we didn't have to wait to get tickets.

And the rain is gone. At least for the moment

its pouring

It's raining again. I'm so sleepy. I wish I was in bed right now.

Anyway, there is Spiderman 3 to look forward too. Yeah! Hopefully, we'll be going right after school today. I hope we won't have to stand in line. 16 out of the 20 theaters at the place we generally see movies at will have Spiderman 3 showing.

Then there is cinco de mayo tomorrow. I guess we have something planned. Although, I'm not sure how great cooking out will be, but Jonah's Mom has friends coming over.

Did you watch Grey's Anatomy last night? I don't know about that new show that that OBGYN doctor is going too. Oceanside? But the Dale guy (receptionist/surfer dude) is hot! It might be kind of silly. Maybe Grey's Anatomy is getting silly. I miss October Road.

Sam's last final is today.

I hate to admit it, but I've kind of missed him the last few days.

lalalalalalalalaaaa

OK, I won't say its a day to be singing, but lots of Seniors are gone today, and I don't know why that makes me happy exactly. Perhaps its because the halls are a bit more free and we can just roam! Well, sort of. I don't know why this pleases me so much. I don't really like any of the seniors. Well, I don't know them. Anyway, you have to listen to them all excited about graduation. It gets a little old. That's all I'm saying.

While I have my babysitting job to think about. Which I don't want to think about.

Then there is Sam who I shouldn't be thinking so much about. I'm trying not to think about him. He's got finals this week. And finally he's actually getting ready for finals. I'm beginning to think he's one big procrasintator.

Anyway, guess I should post this and get back to class.

actually i don't know french

I couldn't think of a better user name. So I thought I'd come up with this one. I'm not sure what to post on my first entry.

Its just getting use to this foremat thats a bit different than I'm use to. Only its better. All these cool things to do on this blog.

I'm pretty mad at Diaryland where my diary was located, but I can't post there at the moment due to some server problems and I didn't buy an account there.

But I think I can do just as well here as there. It'll just be a pain remembering my new username and stuff.

Anyway, won't be long til school's out!

Yeah!