wouldn't be offended

I'm still looking for more of just Kimya, but I thought this was really an interesting take on her tire swing song.

tire swing - kimya dawson

I took the polaroid down in my room
I'm pretty sure you have a new girlfriend
It's not as if I don't like you
It just makes me sad whenever I see it

Coz I like to be gone most of the time
And you like to be home most of the time
If I stay in one place I lose my mind
I'm a pretty impossible lady to be with

chorus:
Joey never met a bike that he didn't wanna ride
And I never met a Toby that I didn't like
Scotty liked all the books that I recomended
and even if he didn't, I wouldn't be offended

I had a dream that I had to drive to Madison
To deliver a painting for some silly reason
I took a wrong turn and ended up Michigan
Paul...took me to the giant tire swing
Gave me a push and he started singing
I sang along while I was swinging
The sound of our voices made us forget everything
That had ever hurt our feelings


chorus

Now I'm home for less than 24 hours
That's hardly time to take a shower,
Hug my family and take your picture off the wall
Check my email write a song and make a few phone calls
Before it's time to leave again
I got one hand on the steering wheel one waving out the window
If I'm a spinster for the rest of my life
My arms will keep me warm for the rest of my life

chorus

Gotta love Guy

It fills like the dead of winter

People say since we are having such a cold snowy December that January will be warm. Maybe spring will come early. Our luck, it'll just continue to stay like this all winter. Snow everywhere.

It got down to 9 degrees last night. Brrrrr....

It was so cold in my room. My cat Madonna had to keep me warm. I did sleep late. Amazingly.

Only a few more days of school before break.

Its that time of year again

People out in full force today to get that shopping done. I only went to 3 places. And really it was pretty easy to get in and out of. Except at shopko. You had to wait a good 30 minutes to check out of place. Usually, these guys are never busy. But they were today.

I really didn't get that much. I just looked.

I love Jim Kranski's poster from Gap. He's so cute, but he's not that Ken doll/ cookie cutter look. Of course, I was informed by Jonah that he looks like he's wearing women's clothes. He would say that.

Actually, Jim is his idol from THE OFFICE. He likes to wear his hair like his. And he does most of his mannerisms too.

on the edge of reason

This is such a sinester look of Rhys (Andrew Moss) from Hollyoaks. He's really intense for the most part on the show. When things don't go his way.

He's such a bad boy on the show. Sleeping with his girlfriend and her mother. Then later he has a chance to snog his ex at his little sister's birthday party.

I guess what makes Rhys's character one of the best on the show is because of all his insecurities, even though he feels sure he's the best.

Makes me think of someone I know. He's so Mr. Cool. He makes me think of Kris Angel. And sometimes, I do wonder if he fancies himself as a celb. I am doing my best not to get involved with him.

I have one friend who thinks I should give him a chance and at least go out with him. I don't think so. But somehow, we still hang out. And I think I may have hurt his feelings. I didn't think he had any, but evidently, he does.

I guess he thinks now that I think he's nothing more than eye candy and can't be trusted...even if he didn't cheat on his last girlfriend.

I don't know why he has to make this so complicated.

Monday night TV

What can I say? I'm smitten with Nicholas D'Agosto who plays Claire's new boyfriend "West" on Heroes. He's perfect for the part.

And he's from around here. Well, was, at one time. And he's 27. Which he looks pretty much 17 in this role. I like them together. Hope they like working together.

Maybe this is the year Sylar will fall in love with the misunderstood hispanic girl who has uncontrolable powers. I really like the idea that Sylar has a virus and no power now. And I think the guy from the Nebraska Lottery Scratch commerical was on tonight. Maybe. T.W. Leshner who was the white guy helping the couple in Mexico until Sylar came along.

It was a really cool episode tonight. But as always this show leave you in a cliffhanger.

I watched Christina Applegate's "Samantha Who" a bit a go because we recorded it. There were some funny parts with I wasn't expecting.

A really fun premise about a woman who loses her memory..but isn't sure she wants to be that girl everyone knows since she finds out her boyfriend had just broke up with her before she was hit by a car, and the Renee who she thought was a girlfriend is actually her lover, a married man.

almost

Oh..my God..I almost forgot my password here. Its been that long since I've posted.

Well, the basement is flooding from a storm that just happen. Yuck. I hope we get it taken care of soon. Its been a sleep day. A fine mist then it rained really hard for about an hour. It was coming down in sheets. It would have been worse if it had been a snow storm.

I was at the library most of the afternoon. Yes, I saw someone, but it was just casual study kind of thing. His step-mom was there. So had to be on my best behavior. Then it started to rain and I had to take a hot shower when I got home.

So yeah thats about it for my day.

I might have had a panic attack just a few minutes ago. Freaky. I felt like I was suddenly falling in a hole as if I might be fainting. What in the world was that all about? I don't know why that would happen.

Scott M. Foster

Just can't get enough of Scott M. Foster from GREEK. Since the show's over til January, I'm so going through withdrawl. He's so much fun to watch. Now I see he has a band. Sirens eye. So he'll be on the road. Sounds like. Don't know if its just the California area or all around. Hope he doesn't foget his roots, like the midwest or even Texas where he went to college. Anyway, I've been trying to find out more information about him. Although, sometimes, its best not to know everything about some people.

where did your heart go missing?

I love this new song from Rooney. Can't wait to get their new cd.

Hal Ozsan

I watched Hal Ozsan last night on Fallen. He's the best character on the show as the avenging angel, Azazel . He's funny, serious and the real deal when it comes to acting. He's a scene stealer.

He sings too. Just not on Fallen. You can catch his Poets & Pornstars online. He's got fans everywhere. He's definitely the one to watch.

Not sure if Fallen will be in the ABC Family Fall line up, but it should be. Its as ever good as Angel (and this show is about fallen Angels when in fact Angel was about a vampire & the writer of this series use to write for the Angel paperback series - Thomas E. Sniegoskie) . Anyway, hopefully Fallen will continue. Its more than just a 4 parter.

he makes me happy

Hot Rod is silly. Its innocent. Refreshing. Yet some of the time, you knew this movie was written for Will Farrel. I am so glad he didn't star in this movie. Andy owns this picture when he does his dance number in the forest. It was so hilarious. Honestly, lots of fun dance moments in this movie. I loved his silly friends. I'm glad they kept it fresh inspite of perhaps and old script.

You'd think you'd came across the wacky neighbors from the Brady Bunch. Yet there is something real about the house the story takes place in..and its surrounding. Like the heart of America should be. And what I noticed was even more amazing..someone named Pam Brady wrote this movie.

Now of course, there were times I would have really loved to have seen his butt...since he has such a cool one. Instead, Andy makes an ass of himself from time to time yet remains his wonderful self.

Yeah, I'd buy this movie on DVD.

Louie

This has to be my favorite picture of Louis Garrel because its kind of silly. And I think thats a side of him you don't ever see on the movie screen.

He's the kind of actor you do wonder what is his real potential. Has the French cinema just exploited him to a certain degree? Not that anything is wrong with that. But I think I'd like to see him in a comedy. You know, Andy Samberg goes French. Ha..ha..

I must see Hot Rod. I need a laugh. And I hear this Samberg movie was written years ago for Will Farrel. Some of the critics think this will make Samberg a star.

Just think what a film like that could do for Louis Garrel. Probably wouldn't be a sex symbol anymore.

Dreamers

Guess what I watched tonight. Kind of by accident. I had always wanted to watch it, but then figured I never would since its NC-17.

Always like Michael Pitt in whatever he's in. I had no idea I'd like the French guy so much though. He was really good. He makes me think of J.F.K jr., a little.

It was really a strange movie. Definitely, the brother sister relationship, even if they kept insisting they were twins connected by their brain. Lots of energy, though. The shots of the long thin hallways were so vibrant and haunting..as were so many things in the movie. Who knew cinema in 1968 was so important in France?

Louis Garrel is the one to watch. Now I want to see more of his films, but they're all in French.

Very strange ending though. It was like they were avoiding the future.

Guy Burnet aka Craig Dean

Ok, so he's a cutie, but you're gonna have to go on lots of gay sites to find any pics of him. And the pics on Hollyoaks site just don't do him justice. He's an actor best caught in motion, not in still life.

Lets say John Paul & Craig from Hollyoaks has really been a ground breaker when it comes to romance. Although, I think what works is that you understand these characters. And although, Guy's Craig spends most of the time brooding on screen, still you can't help but feel something for at least Craig and what he's going through.

God, he's got great teeth. And many other assets I must admit. He's totally mesmerizing in his scenes. He leaves soon from Hollyoaks. I hope Burnet gets a chance to be in some American movies. I know, that's asking for a lot.

What have they done?

I'm so mad at BBC AMERICA. They've stopped showing HOLLYOAKS at night. Now its at 2 a.m. in the morning. How am I suppose to see it? Jonah is being a butt head about it. He's the only one who knows how to record stuff on the DVD player. I want to see this show. I love these character.

Sunny & Macaulay. Finally, these two might stick together. Then Craig Dean and the triangle of passion between him, John Paul and Spike. I want to know what happens.

How could BBC America do this? Starting this week, Coupling will be on in Hollyoaks' time slot. It's just not fair. I go on vacation and this is what I come home too. Its so not right.

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crapville

I can't get to Diaryland. Not sure what the problem is, but I could get here. I'm not babysitting today. But I'm doing housework. Cleaning out the basement. Lucky me. I'm tired already. Still tons to do. We really need to just take stuff to the landfill. Jonah's Mom needs to get rid of so much junk. I don't know why she hangs on to it so long. Ridiculous. And it takes her forever to decide on anything. Why is she like this.

Then there is the whole Jessie thing on my mind. I think I hate him. I wonder if I'd feel the same way if I saw him. A part of me just wants to kick his ass. But I have to wonder if I'd be all smiles if I saw him. I hope not.

Well, better go. We're going to go through craft stuff and see what needs to be thrown away.

Mark & Lily

Makes we want to go listen to some Jazz, but I'd need Lily there to help me along.

Kaiba's logical song

I just can't seem to get enough of this song, lately.

Will from Hollyoaks

The misunderstood Will from Hollyoaks is Oliver Farnworth.

He's one of my favs on the show.He's obsessed with Zoe. However, there is so much about Will we don't know.

Maybe he's rich, but we aren't sure how he got rich. We know he looks out for his friends, but then again what is he looking to do to his friends.

Its such an unpredictable character for Oliver to play. I'm hoping he'll be in films soon. He has a page here at Bebo.

to talk or not to talk

Nobody is really talking to me. Of course, Jonah's Mom had a long talk with my sister on the phone. I could hear them last night, and I know she's up to something.
Jonah will not even look at me.
I feel like I'm in a fog. Its just a blur now. And..and Jonah's Mom thinks it would be a good idea if I stayed the weekend at my sister's.
"You need to talk."
But I don't want to because I know this is more like an intervention or something. Which is crazy. Right? I spend one night with a guy. Its not like I'm going to run away with him or anything.
Of course, a phone call would be nice. Something. Its not like I have a way to reach him.
Honestly, maybe I'm on the verge of a nervous something another.
Maybe it'll do me good to get away from here, but I don't think so. I cleaned my room. Finally. But then I kind of tossed most of my clothes in a box and stuck them in the basement.
I tried to read a book, but I didn't get very far. My babysitter was wanting to get me the new Harry Potter book coming out, but I've never cracked one of them open. Ok, I did, and I didn't like it much. I know I have a short attention span. So I must be stupid. And I felt like an idiot listening her go on and on about the books she wants her kids to read, but to never see the movies.
I am sad. Sad about so many things. I have these bouts of crying, but then it stops. And, I'm still in shock that Jessie would ever want to be with me. Then I wonder if he'll ever call. If I'll ever see him again. If.

The Click Five

The bands back with a new lead singer, Kyle Patrick. Eric Dill decided to go solo so when you pick up their latest, you'll notice the defining voice of 21 year old Kyle Patrick from Boston.

"modern minds & past times" has a much more mature sounds this time around thanks to Kyle Patrick. The opening track is quite catchy. "Jenny" seems to be the first single from the new cd to hit the radio. While many of the songs are 'after the break up' fare, this cd still holds some strong melodies and solid song writing skills.

Some may think the new cd is trying to hard, but really it has some very unique sounds to it.

The band really looked to their fan base to help them find the right lead singer which lead them where they are from. Hopefully, this is just a new chapter for the band and a lot of musical talent is ahead of them.

still pondering

I really think I need a long nap after today, but Jonah and Sam want to go look for fireworks. Like I have money for that.

I'll be spending most of my saving on my cap tomorrow for my tooth. I'm so afraid to find out the cost.

On the upside today, I'm still happy that I met Jessie. Kind of. Its just why am I so crazy about this guy I met at the library. Am I just boy crazy? He's younger than me, and well...there's Kenny.

Its not like I'm going to go out with Jessie. He's just somebody to talk too. I'm sure thats all it was. He was bored being with his little sisters and well, it was fun. Sitting there in the grass eating chicken salad sandwiches talking about nothing, actually. He wasn't trying to impress me. Just being honest. How he doesn't exactly like it here, but he's getting use to it.

Anyway, I really do want to lay down. Its so humid out. Hot too.

Jamie Davis

Jamie Davis from HEX can somehow make the most of a scene. He always has a way of being innocent, in the riskyest of times. But he's cool. Sweet. And you just can't stop thinking about him long after you watched him on the show

Oh Hollyoaks

I found a picture of Stuart Manning who plays Russ on Hollyoaks. Don't care so much for the arm pit, but I've never seen him with long hair. He should grow his hair back.

Maybe I'm around too many long haired guys, like Sam.

Of course, this week, I haven't seen much of anyone. Although, Kenny brought me jello cups and hung out with me for a while. But I have kissed him because well...my mouth.

Its a little sore still from the root canal, but luckily, it only took an hour, now I need to get it capped, but I can't get in til Tuesday.

Acutually, I was looking for pictures of Andrew Moss on Hollyoaks. His character Rhys slept with Amy's Mom. He's her sister's boyfriend. It was so like..huh, when did that happen? Her Mom? What kind of guy is he?

Doesn't Andrew Moss make you think of Jonathan Ryhs Myers in this pic?

Well, must get back to Hollyoaks.

the burg

One of the hipest new shows you can catch online.

ricky palomino

Oh my God, how could they let him go on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?

He's so cute. And he can dance. Definitely dance. Really I think this year they have better dancers that the past two seasons.

Yeah, I had to watch it tonight.

See, we'd been watching this bollywood movie that Jonah's Mom got for a film. I think it could have lasted 3 hours. But we didn't have the subtitles on so I was lost. What I do know, have a cool dance number and everyone is happy will soon be followed by something bad happening. Actually, I just like watching the musical parts.

Anyway, by 8 I tuned in to see the show and didn't realise the big dance numbers were last night.

Dang.

Jonah wanted to watch LAST COMIC STANDING last night. Actually, they weren't that funny. But we watched. Sort of. I know now I've lost interested in that show. But cutest has already left "So you think you can dance". I hear he sings too and has a cd out. You can find out more about Ricky here.

the invisible

Ok, its not like I'm exactly cheating, but I went to the movie with Sam. Yeap, we saw "The Invisible" with Justin Cheatwin (I think). Um, I have mixed feelings about the film. It does make you think, but it got a little on the sappy side in places. And "annie" in the movie was so mean. I was thinking it would have been different. You know, like she was this goth chick in her own world and she's the only one to hear that he "was still alive". But as it was she was this evil bitch who had put the main character in the predicument he was in. It was strange. Then the projector went down, 3 times. Can you believe that?

Actually, I can't believe I went out with Sam. I wasn't planning on it. Just this last minute thing.

And if I didn't think the movie was psychic enough, well, he's a little psychic too.

He thinks his brother's girlfriend is pregnant. And do you want to know why? His brother is getting fat. "That means something. I know it does...." He's really obessing on it badly. I just listened. He'd mention this before, but I didn't really believe him. He really believes it.

Its not that he's freaking me out or anything, but its just strange. He wants me to keep seeing Kenny...with this ominous last words, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do..."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

He gets to me sometime. Like maybe he doesn't want me seeing anyone but him, but then its like, "You should date more..."

I don't know what to think of him.

wind finally calming some

Last night was so bad with the wind. Like those winds in Volver.

I was so tired today. The kids wouldn't take a nap until late which I hope I won't hear about tomorrow. I could have really used a nap, but I didn't get one.

Yes, babysitting is stressful. They wanted me to take them to the pool, but I said no. Just the thought makes me overcome with nightmares from Jonah's mom who you don't want to mention the word pool because she tells you every bad thing that could happen. And its windy. It might be a hot wind, but its windy.

I do want to go to the pool. I think, but I have alabastor skin (practically) so it would be burning flash if I were in the sun. Seriously, I'm not sure I'd want anyone to see me in a swim suit. I don't even remember where mine is.

Hopefully, I'm going to go to bed early. I really need too, for a change.

changes

I was going to watch "She's the Man" from the library, but its all scratched up. Besides, Amanda Baines wasn't all that convincing as a guy. It was rather silly. Jonah was glad I turned it off. Just in time for South Park.

Anyway, I'm sleepy since I didn't sleep that great last night. Hopefully, the house won't be that hot tonight. Its windy, but very hot outside.

God, all I hear is how expensive everything is. Coffee. Gas. The list goes on and on with Jonah's Mom. I do understand. But now the A/C. I need it at night. I like a cold room that I can get warm in. Strange huh? I guess its because we don't use that much heat in the winter and go to bed practically with the polar bears in our flannels and warm fuzzy socks. Now summer has arrived and that means no clothes if possible. I just couldn't sleep nude. Although, I have a feeling Jonah would. He just would never say he would.

where the wind blows

I'm feeling a little blue. I had meant to let something on TV take me away, but it didn't. Nothing good on, actually. I did have a long talk with someone I haven't seen since school got out. Leahia told me all about Worlds of Fun and going shopping and what not. My ear hurt from being stuck to the phone. We talked about guys at school. Stupid stuff. But I didn't have the nerve to mention Kenny, and I know I should have.

Then I found out from Jonah about Sam. He did go out with some girl where they work. It was a bit of a blow, although, I expected it. Now I don't think I can be around him at all.

I feel bad that I didn't tell Leahia all about Kenny. I would have. I was going to, but she kept talking about how great her summer has been, and she got this guy's phone number who she met at Worlds of Fun who she doubts she'll ever see again, but maybe. Her plan, how they can get together. But she only met him in line for some water ride, and I don't think she's even called him. So after listening to that, it was kind of hard to jump right in with, Guess what?

Sometimes, I think I just go where ever the wind takes me. She did ask about Josh. I don't even want to hear his name.

why is like that?

Ok, lets face facts. Jonah is mighty fine. Admit it and go on.

I mean, his hair, which is never ever perfect was perfect tonight. He looked so amazing. Its like this job is doing so much for him. He's getting a little tan. Getting fit.

Hopefully, I won't be stuck on this tomorrow. I won't. I mean, he's like a brother to me, but he looked really good tonight.

I'm working on crochet. More. Yes, Kenny had to teach me. I kind of wanted to learn. Although, a part of me finds it funny that he knows how. Or that its not fair that he knows so much and I don't.

He made me this crocheted shopping basket. Its pink and brown. Lots of pink left over so I've been working on a scarf. Actually, I'm on my second one right now. They're not huge scarves.

And while I was working on that I watched the national spelling B. I always wanted to spell like that. Well, not really. I hate spelling. And it was funny, the kid who won said he didn't like spelling, either.

But TV is rather boring this week.

so you think you can dance

I should be asleep right now, but I'm not. Its funny how you get your second wind about this time a day.

I watched "so you think you can dance" tonight. It really made me want to get up in dance. Right now its just auditions. Guess they must have started that in January or something, because it looked really cold in Chicago.

There were quite a few inspirational dancers too. One with a fake arm. Another with a new leg and then the girl who really wowed them who was heavy but very strong. I really hope she does well in the competition.



This might not be so you think you can dance, but doesn't everyone want to learn how to do the zombie?

Camille stuff

Camille had wanted me to spend the whole weekend with her. I said no. I'm not going to start the way last summer started.

Granted, I probably did take advantage of the situation last year just to get away from Dad. But it was not ever that much fun staying at Camille. Sure she has a great house and Mom and Dad and everything. But just putting up with her, going on and on about this person and that person. She actually has kind of scrapbook of old boyfriends. Well, those who gave her lots and she had her picture taken with. So being with Camille is like walking in to a Camille shrine.

And I think she considers me her very best friend. But I don't know how that could be because she doesn't know me at all. I mean, there were times, I was so upset with my Dad, and come to find out she wasn't even listening.

I talked to her Mom more than her. And she treats her Mom so bad.

But she was wanting me to just come and stay the whole weekend. I just couldn't do it. Besides, I'm not really ready to tell her about Kenny, either. Almost. Not quite.

I mean, when I'm with him, I keep thinking, it would be great just to show up with Kenny and wonder if she'd get it, or just order us around to do stuff for her...or just stand back and be her audience. Then she'd drop us as soon as her boyfriend called.

Well, I want to make the most of the day. Do something with Kenny.

I woke up this morning with Madonna(my cat) asleep on my back and I didn't even know it.

too much to think about

I need to go to bed and go right to sleep because I have to be at the house I babysit by seven.

I'm not ready for this. Although, I did it practically everyday last year. But last year was different. I wanted to get away from Dad. I had to go and babysit just to have food. Dad was not really worried if we had any food or not. All he needed was beer, but usually, that meant hanging out with his pals at the bar.

But I don't want to go there. That was last year. This is this year.

And, and this is the stupidest thing to admit, but Kenny makes me happy.

Yeah, it kind of scares me, even.

He's sweet. He's just em, something, quite orginal.

I just don't want to tell any of my friends we're going out. They'd think I'm a loser. I know they would. Especially, Camille. Camille would say all sorts of shit I wouldn't want to hear. Like, "Didn't you know he was gay." Also, he's younger than me. Well, just a year. But you know how people can be. Especially, when they only want you around to tell you who to date.

The library book mystery. Still have not found that book. Went back with Jonah (who was a pain just to get away from his computer) to that abandoned house, and we didn't find it. I know I'll have to pay for it.

Better shut up, get to bed and start babysitting.

Jonah is not in a good mood. We're suppose to go out to dinner tonight, but things with his computer is making him be so out of it. He only wants to go to Blimpies. I want to really go somewhere.

I just wish he hadn't gone mad and put all this extra stuff in his hard drive. It works, but it won't read the internet now. Something like that.

And I'm kind of sick about the whole Sam/Josh/Kenny thing. I never meant it to be this way. I didn't. And I know I shouldn't feel this bad, especially, when really should I be feeling any of this this badly.

I stayed up to almost one playing SIMS 2. Why I don't know. Well, part of it, I moved in this smuggler into this house with some vice-president of a company who has a thing for the mayor..and then the smuggler wouldn't find his own place. I didn't think that could happen on the SIMS.

Ok, its the last day of school. I want to make the best of it.

oh the fun we'll have

It rained last night. Actually, some thunderstorms even.

I feel a little out of it. As in, what in the hell am I doing? School is almost out and I'm acting like school just started as in, I've got a boyfriend. Which I'm not sure I do. I just need something offical so I won't be treading lightly out here in the damp cold.

So the whole thing with Josh yesterday was not what I expected. It was like this last chance kind of thing. I guess. Or, maybe he expected it. Maybe he did. Wish I didn't think he was messing with me, but I do.

Then Sam started his job yesterday so he was really tired last night. I didn't bother him because right now is a good time not to bother him for several reason. Number one being, the hickey. The less anger I can cause him, the better. And you know, he might really find someone he's really in to at that place he works.

Jonah has already reported to me the "sweet" factor there. He saw his share of girls who work out there in short shrots with the perfect tan, already. And he can hardly wait to work there.

Yawn.

I want to go to sleep. I want to see Josh, but then I don't.

I'm going to stay calm. Going to be so calm. Yeah, its only Tuesday. I woke up this morning hoping it was Saturday. I have no idea why I did that, but I did.

some mother's day

I'm alone now. Its been crazy today. First thing this morning I had to run out with Jonah to all these stops to make sure he got his Mom something for Mother's day. We were going to go to Wal-Mart but ended up in Michael's. He got her some stuff on the dollar isle and a gift card. He didn't have much to spend.

At least I didn't have time to dwell about this thing on me. The hickey. It looks so bad. I just stare in the mirror wanting to cry when I look at it (all purplish) and end up laughing. What is wrong with me?

Then it doesn't help that Sam shows up, like nothing ever happened. And he spends the afternoon watching Ninja Warriors in the livingroom. I wanted him as far from my neck as possible. And he ends up drawing on my ankle with a black sharpee pen. Cool skull and tiny little heart next to it.

I can't describe exactly what I'm feeling right now. Physically ill. Maybe.

I couldn't eat. We went out to China Buffet. I got all this food on my plate and then I couldn't eat it.

Sam is going to hate me. He is. I know it. I should have never gone out with Josh.

school isn't out yet

It was so strange at school today. The seniors were gone. It was so quiet. Well, there were people, of course. Even they were acting weird. And we don't have the last day of school til next week.

Josh was being odd today. Like he had this energy about him. Its hard to describe. When he smiles its like his whole face smiles. And he doesn't smile that much. And what am I suppose to do?

He was more hot than usual today. I don't know. I mean, he just wanted to be closer. He kept messing with my hair. He even tugged on my belt loop. Crazy.

I want to stop thinking about him.

It didn't help that I ate a hot dog for dinner, and I think I have heart burn now. That never happens. I hung out with Sam for a little while. Something is on his mind, but I'm not sure if its about his ex girlfriend or his brother. For someone who talks so much, he's not really talking about it.

plans, plots and the like

Sam says he'll start next week with the job he had last summer. Landscaping and mowing, something like that. He's even going to try to get Jonah a job there. I'm not so sure Jonah really would like that because he's just not a real outdoor kind of guy. He loves his computer. Although, his mom is probably right. He needs a job. Most likely though, he'll be at this plant place moving stuff around or something. Well, that's the plan.

Sam's also furious with his brother, the one with the Mohawk. He caught him messing around with some girl in an abandoned house not too far from here. I'm sure exactly what he's mad about. I mean, sure I can see why he's mad, but I think it bothers him more that his brother is having sex.

He just kept saying over and over, "I never did that when I was his age. I would have never done that..."

I guess I have to face it, Sam's a late bloomer, but that's all right with me.

bike riding

Great afternoon for a bike ride. Yeah, I haven't done that in ages. I felt like a kid again. And it was really a beautiful day for it.

We stopped by the library to look for some dvds. While I was there this girl, Chelsey was there, she's on cloud nine, inviting people to her graduation party. The freaky thing was she had this backless outfit on, and she had on a bra. Talk about bad taste. Hope she won't wear that to the party.

Have you ever known someone like that? Like its OK, to have your bra straps hanging out everywhere. Other than that, I think somebody I have English with has a mom/dad who's a transvestite. I wasn't sure how to react when I saw them looking at the movies. Well, I tried my best not to bust a gut. Then I felt so bad afterwards wanting to laugh.

Oh, and we held hands. Sam and me. I know its a small thing. And it didn't happen at first, but then when he checked out the stuff, we held hands. And well, I couldn't believe it.

cloudy & wet

Not a lot has changed since yesterday. This kind of weather just makes you want to sleep. And just when we thought the basement was ok, its a little wet. Mainly, in the entrance part and the bathroom.
I noticed that up the street some plumber was at their place, so must not be the only ones having this problem.
Graduation is this Saturday. I won't be going. It'll be packed with people. At least it'll be inside. How I wish I had late mornings to sleep, but I'll have to be up by 6 because I have to be at the place I babysit before 7. So much to look forward too. NOT.
I was supposed to go to my grandparents in June, but I'm not sure if thats happening with the gas prices so high. They'd have to come and get me. Its ok if it doesn't. I'd like to travel, but then I don't want to, either. All these tornadoes around. Bad weather.
Other than that I just want to take a nap, but I think Sam will call me in a little while so I better get homework done. Still these teachers want work handed in. We'll be out in like 2 weeks.

stormy weather

I'm not sure I really slept last night. So much thundering and lightening. And Jonah's Mom had her party which was ok, I guess. And I'm glad Sam was over, but it was just, you know, odd.
Like, how was I suppose to act? Wish it hadn't even bothered me now, because that was a waste of time. It went fine. And he got really cuddly near the end.
Jonah watched his shows he'd recorded on the dvd player and Sam hung out with him some, because I had to do all this extra "woman" stuff, like getting the dinner ready. You know, thats what really bothers me. I had to do this stuff, and Jonah didn't. He was like a bump on a log. But I helped out. Although, I could have enjoyed it more if I hadn't had to do so much.
Naturally, Jonah's Mom was spazzing, practically. She's not very good with having partys. She wants everything perfect. Wish she could enjoyed herself more. Maybe I could have had more fun too.
But then all this rain. Thankfully, the basement isn't flooded.
Now, I'm just lazy. Don't want to do anything much today. More sleep.
I had gotten a chance to cup up my deninum skirts yesterday for aprons. Now I just need to add some sort of embellishments. While I was at the library yesterday, I saw this woman with a 'Jean's' purse. Must have cost a fortune with all that 'bejeweled' stuff and the old jewelry on the handles, but its beautiful.
If I could afford it, I'd love to make some jewelry.

James Franco isn't Josh

A thunderstorm woke me up early this morning. OK, maybe it was more than that. Ever since watching Spiderman 3 last night and seeing James Franco, I've been thinking about Josh. Thinking, how did this happen? Why did I let things just go? I mean, I could have tried harder. We've hardly spoken to each other this week. And its not like I wanted to make this play for him. Its just I really like him. And I keep telling myself, we can be friends. But its not really happening. He's not even that friend kind of guy. Well, sometimes.

Its just I don't know whats going on with him, and I think I want to know, but then maybe I'm not suppose to know. And then I just give up trying. I do sound so trite. But I knew the moment I saw him that I really wanted to know him. Only he's making it impossible. I mean, we had our one little outing that Sunday a few weeks ago, but did I catch this guy just on a good day? We hung out. And then at Afterprom, which was nice. But there were people, and maybe he was actually in to someone else and I just didn't get it. Because, lets face it, Sam did sort of put a spell on me before I went there.

I shouldn't think about this stuff. But I really loved James Franco as Harry in Spiderman 3.

Spiderman 3

We just got back from watching Spiderman 3. James Franco stole the movie as far as I'm concerned. Of course, I'm a fan, but still he did a great job in all the parts he played, New Green Goblin/Harry. He was just amazing.

The movie delievered. Naturally. Great performances from Thomas-Haden Church and Topher Grace. There was humor and perhaps just a tad cheesy moments with Tobey playing up his dark side, but in all it was really a fun movie. And people were just waiting in line to get in when we left. Jonah says Spiderman 3 is so muchc better than Spiderman 2. I don't know. I like them all.

So glad we made the 4:10 showing. Jonah's Mom got tickets early so we didn't have to wait to get tickets.

And the rain is gone. At least for the moment

its pouring

It's raining again. I'm so sleepy. I wish I was in bed right now.

Anyway, there is Spiderman 3 to look forward too. Yeah! Hopefully, we'll be going right after school today. I hope we won't have to stand in line. 16 out of the 20 theaters at the place we generally see movies at will have Spiderman 3 showing.

Then there is cinco de mayo tomorrow. I guess we have something planned. Although, I'm not sure how great cooking out will be, but Jonah's Mom has friends coming over.

Did you watch Grey's Anatomy last night? I don't know about that new show that that OBGYN doctor is going too. Oceanside? But the Dale guy (receptionist/surfer dude) is hot! It might be kind of silly. Maybe Grey's Anatomy is getting silly. I miss October Road.

Sam's last final is today.

I hate to admit it, but I've kind of missed him the last few days.

lalalalalalalalaaaa

OK, I won't say its a day to be singing, but lots of Seniors are gone today, and I don't know why that makes me happy exactly. Perhaps its because the halls are a bit more free and we can just roam! Well, sort of. I don't know why this pleases me so much. I don't really like any of the seniors. Well, I don't know them. Anyway, you have to listen to them all excited about graduation. It gets a little old. That's all I'm saying.

While I have my babysitting job to think about. Which I don't want to think about.

Then there is Sam who I shouldn't be thinking so much about. I'm trying not to think about him. He's got finals this week. And finally he's actually getting ready for finals. I'm beginning to think he's one big procrasintator.

Anyway, guess I should post this and get back to class.

actually i don't know french

I couldn't think of a better user name. So I thought I'd come up with this one. I'm not sure what to post on my first entry.

Its just getting use to this foremat thats a bit different than I'm use to. Only its better. All these cool things to do on this blog.

I'm pretty mad at Diaryland where my diary was located, but I can't post there at the moment due to some server problems and I didn't buy an account there.

But I think I can do just as well here as there. It'll just be a pain remembering my new username and stuff.

Anyway, won't be long til school's out!

Yeah!